I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
