Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am available for nakedness
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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