escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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