I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
