somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
