My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
