She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
