absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize