the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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