My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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