Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
