there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
