I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
