I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize