He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
