I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
