Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
