careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
