saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
