we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
