are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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