fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
