You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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