Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
