I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
