2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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