Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
