At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
