we're blogging at a bar
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
