We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize