My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it was like eating out sand paper
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
