she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
