oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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