i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize