I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
