Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize