If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
