Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
