hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize