Buhtt sex?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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