I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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