Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
