Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize