Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
