you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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