I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
