I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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