He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
