if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i drank out of a bidet.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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