THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
