She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
