Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
