so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
