You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
