i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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