I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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