i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
