He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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