Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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