I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
