shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
