You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
