2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
