I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she told me i tasted like america
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
