how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
okay pat passed out under dana's car
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize