Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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