My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
