Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
