I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
