Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
