My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
