when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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