I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
