so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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