can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
