Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
