don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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