He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
