I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
