bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
