R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
