I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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