I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
