We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
