talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
