I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
