Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize