dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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