Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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