dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
