Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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