I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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