Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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