Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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