this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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